Well after the sun has gone down, all around South-East Queensland – the animals come out to play. Party animals are searching for the best nightclubs in Brisbane, the coolest dance clubs on the Gold Coast and are keen to soak up the Sunshine Coast nightlife. functionbook™ will help you find the best clubs for your partying style.
Party animals come in all shapes and sizes with many being attracted by the pop of a champagne cork at the opening of the envelope while for others it takes the promise of a special night out on the town to seduce them out of their homes to the sizzling club scene in Brisbane, the Gold Coast and the Sunshine Coast.
With young people in Australia able to vote, drink alcohol and do all things considered ‘adult’ at the age of 18, 21st birthday party venues and the party itself is more steeped in tradition than the boundary-pushing shenanigans of an 18th birthday.
They know all the right people and are on the invitation lists to all the best gigs. One night it’s the opening of a new dance club in Brisbane, then it’s checking out the coolest DJ this side of the equator at a club on the Sunshine Coast before spending the weekend in a private area of the most exclusive nightclubs on the Gold Coast. The VIPster doesn’t do queues, cover charges or pass through crowds to get to the bar. A posse of people who handle such dreary details usually surround them.
Favourite Drink: A flute of the finest bubbles.
Soundtrack: Something obscure but trending on the other side of the world.
The Wingman (or woman) does not want to be in da club. But their sense of friendship prevails and they assume the role of making their mate look like the most engaging, charismatic and coolest person in the club. The Wingman is the hunter and gatherer of the nightlife world – providing well for his tribe, protecting them from other predators and taming ugly beasts.
Favourite Drink: Beer or wine.
Soundtrack: Wicked Game.
With glitter on her eyelids and sequins on her shoes, you’ll find the Disco Diva carving up the dance floor at night clubs in Surfers Paradise and Broadbeach on the Gold Coast, strutting her dance moves at clubs in the Brisbane CBD or searching for a bit of Disco Inferno at a club at the Sunshine Coast.
Favourite Drink: Something sweet.
If the day of the week ends in a Y, you’ll find the Wild One on the search for a party. The Wild One likes their drinks on the rocks and wear their beer goggles with pride. Their cheery charisma attracts like minded-souls to ensure the entire club is rocking. You’ll find the Wild Ones at nightclubs in Fortitude Valley in Brisbane, Orchid Avenue in Surfers Paradise and loving the nightlife along the esplanade at Mooloolaba at the Sunshine Coast.
Favourite Drink: Shots or On The Rocks.
Soundtrack: Party Rock Anthem.
There’s one in a tiara, veil and a bride-to-be sash (in case we were wondering). She’s surrounded by a group of tipsy girlfriends, sisters and older-relatives who haven’t seen the inside of a nightclub for 20 years. They are often dressed in matching outfits and drinking from genitalia-themed straws and squeal in delight with every drunken selfie status-update.
Sighted: Strutting through Surfers Paradise on a night club crawl of the Gold Coast.
This guy/gal is a hoot. They cruise the club for people taking selfies and pictures and do their thing in the background. Most times their subjects don’t notice and before they do, they’ve disappeared into the crowd to find another unsuspecting victim. Love the photobomber!
Sighted: Doing the rounds of a club at the Sunshine Coast.
Sometimes they dance around handbags. Sometimes it’s drinks. Either way, they take up way too much room on the dancefloor and are very irritating. Especially if they are holding hands ring-around-the-rosie style. Circle dancing is not cool after the age of seven.
Sighted: Sadly, these are not geographically bound and were sighted at various night spots in Brisbane, the Sunshine Coast and Gold Coast.
They sit in a private booth. They have staff topping up their glasses. They air kiss like no tomorrow and everyone wants to get behind the blue rope and be invited into their space. They ooze don’t-you-know-who-I-am attitude and act like they own the place.
Sighted: In the exclusive VIP areas of night clubs in Brisbane and the Gold Coast.
She’s strategically positioned in an elevated position where she can scan the room for the hottest guy and new arrivals. She will often leave her vantage point to come in for the swoop. It’s 2am and she’s been at it since 11pm – but her unfailing tenacity usually snares success, thanks to the smooth operator (see below).
Sighted: There’s one, or more, in every nightclub. It can be a competitive scene.
The last resort of the girl on a mission (see above). He’s the guy who isn’t cashed enough to buy girls drinks, but he’s got all the not-so-smooth lines and he’s not afraid to use them. Resilience is his middle name. It’s a numbers game for this slippery sucker as he works through is repertoire of pick-up lines throughout the night.
Sighted: Never at the coolest clubs (his lines don’t work on the door-staff).
Their body language is icy at best. Their eye contact non-existent. This couple needs to be in a therapist’s office rather than a night club. “Did you just check out that girl?” “I saw you flirting with the bar man.” Voices are raised and then a drink gets flung into someone’s lap. Some people should have just stayed at home.
Sighted: Upmarket nightclubs and dance clubs in Brisbane.
You know the sort. Sucking each others faces harder than a Dyson with more slobber than a Saint Bernard dog. Leave. Now. Just. Leave.
Sighted: Clubs on the Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast – must be a beach-lust thing.
They drink shots. They drink beer. They drink shots with beer. They do it all quickly. They don’t mind taking their shirts off. They are brass, noisy and generally insult and alienate those in close proximity. Dangerous combination when they run into girls on a hen’s night.
Sighted: Nightclubs and bars around Brisbane, especially Fortitude Valley.
He’s been going to that nightclub since it opened in the 1980’s. He’s got his spot by the bar and seems to know everyone in the place (well, he been there through the club’s 17 reincarnations). Rather than labeling him as a gross pervert, we’d like to think he is just a loveable old dude with a penchant for grinding up the dance floor to a throwback classic.
Sighted: Orchid Avenue nightclubs on the Gold Coast.
Fortitude Valley is the nightlife hub of Brisbane – you might enjoy these alternative club venues:
Stepping into Cloudland is like stepping into a scene from The Great Gatsby, with crystal chandeliers, plush lounges and funky dance-vibe. Cloudland has seven different function spaces from sedate garden parties to decadent nights of party sophistication.
The Beat MegaClub has been spinning tunes for more than 30 years in Ann Street, Fortitude Valley. It’s Brisbane’s biggest LGBTQI night club where people from all walks of life can be found partying seven days a week. As far as we know The Beat doesn’t take bookings, but it is such a Brisbane institution it just cannot-not be metioned here.
The Press Club is much now as it was in 1999. When you walk in through the solid timber doors, you are welcomed with moody lighting, concrete floors and leather lounges at home in any 30s gangster movie. Often live music and DJs and of course, open till late.